Twenty-five years living in the shadow

I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. My earliest memories of being "depressed" go back to when I was 8 years old. Back then, I just thought that I was a sad little girl. No, better yet, a miserable little girl. I couldn't understand why my thoughts were always so dark and I was always so worried, anxious and stressed. All I knew is that I wasn't happy and I wasn't sure if I ever would be. The thought of never being happy made me even sadder and laid the foundation for some of my earliest thoughts of suicide. Now, at 33 years old, and with a confirmed diagnosis of depression and anxiety, I often still struggle with these dark thoughts.

I know that this is a pretty sensitive topic and one that I do not at all take lightly but I think that it is something that needs to be talked about. My shame and the stigma that comes with having depression or any other mental health issue  are the reasons why it took me so many years to seek help. Even as I write these words and confess my dirty little secret, I am still hesitant to let the world 

Know that I suffer from this disease...and yes, it is a disease. 

Depression is deadly and can very often be terminal, if left untreated. It will eat away at you just as bad as any cancer will. It will rob you of all hope and happiness. It will leave you empty and confused, yet full of despair. The pain caused by depression is gnawing, chronic and unending. This pain isn't just mental but also had physical manifestations. And just like many other serious diseases, there is no cure.

So much is still unknown about depression and often people suffer in silence. So I decided to start this blog because I am tiered of living in the shadows. I am tiered of being ashamed. I am tiered of feeling like there is something wrong with me. And I know that there are others out there that feel the same way that I do. So if by sharing my story, I can help just one person feel less alone and hopefully find some healing in the process then maybe...just maybe, it will all be worth it.